D: What do “Schindler’s List,” “Gandhi,” “Ender’s Game” and “Troilus and Cressida” all have in common?
A: Um . . . do I want to know?
D: Come on, A – play along.
A: Okay, fine. They all tread tremendously lyrical and exemplify the extraordinary tenacity of the human spirit.
D: I was going to say Ben Kingsley, but that works, too.
A: Really? Because I made that up—wait, what’s this about Ben Kingsley?
D: He’s my voice actor. I’ve decided.
A: Voice actor. . . again?
D: Of course – if you insist on speaking to the internet, I am going to insist on finding a man impressive enough to be my voice as well.
A: And before D launches into the argument on why exactly Ben Kingsley is his perfect voice actor, why don’t you all head over to Green Embers’ Recommends and check out Episode 5 of the Not-So-Shocking-News Dialogues: Once Upon a Fortnightly.
D: Well, that was lovely.
A: Indeed it was – Happy May Fourth, D.
D: Considering that other great man, Sir Alec Guinness, was a part of that space opera, I shall allow your ridiculousness, this time.
A: Oh, how very gracious of you – I take it then, that peerage is now a requirement for a voice actor?
D: Not necessarily – but it does help. I was once a prince and a warrior, before you consigned me to the ones and zeros that make up this digital world of yours.
A: Uh huh. And?
D: As if you needed more convincing. Admit it, A. He has my gravitas, my humility and my heart-breaking heroism down pat.
A: Oh good lord. Seriously?
D: Do you deny it?
A: (Sigh) No, and yet, how do you intend on convincing him, D?
D: I need to convince him? Send him a transcript, A – I command it.
A: Oh, no. No, that settles it.
A: You, and the pointing, and the imperiousness. No. There will be no entitled voice actors for you.
D: But – but—
D: Not even if I say, please?
A: Oh, stop making puppy dog eyes at me, Druid. . . I’ll think about it.
D: Of course you will, A. And I suppose in the meantime, everyone should really check out that podcast, hm?
A: Indeed – I hope you all enjoy it – and thank you for stopping by!