You Bingo? I Bingo. Book Bingo!

A: Do you know, that if you write the word “bingo” often enough, it looks like the word is spelled wrong.

D: You said that about “mysteries” yesterday.

A: And I wasn’t wrong. It looks funny.

D: . . .

A: Stop tapping your foot at me. Yes, I have a point.

D: Oh, blessed day. Pray tell, what is that point?

A: Book Bingo.

D: . . . that tells me nothing, woman.

A: How about a graphic?bingo2 (1)

D: That’s better. So, what is this book bingo?

A: Well, the good people can read about it here, but over the next three months I’ll try to complete my bingo card and –

D: Oh, wait, let me guess, at the end of it you’ll be like that blue-haired grand dame and try to beat out the other ladies in the church bingo group.

A: Uh, D. . . is there something about your Friday nights I should know about?

D: Nah, just worry about the Monday mornings.

A: That mental image will never leave me, now. Thank you, D.

D: My pleasure. So, how do people find out more about this bookish bingo?

A: They go to Great Imaginations, and if they’re interested in participating, they sign up by tomorrow, April 9.

D: I hear Green is in on it, too.

A: He is. He’s the one who tapped my shoulder and reminded me that perhaps I should read while I, you know, write.

D: So long as it does not interrupt your work on my story, I fully endorse this endeavor.

A: Gee, D. I’m so glad you approve.

D: My pleasure. Now, go get reading woman. And writing. And, you know, the boy looks hungry. Maybe you should make him a snack.

A: Anything else?

D: No, I think that covers it, for now.

A: Oh, blessed day.

D: I think you’re mocking me.

A: I am, but lovingly, D. Have a great day, everyone – and as the Druid said, let’s get reading!

Adventure with A to the Grand Budapest

adventureswithD-final (1)D: Does this ‘grand’ adventure mean he can be my voice actor, now?

A: Are you still going on about that?

D: Of course I am. He has charm, A. And wit. And has played a great many men with pathos and gravitas.

A:  And he’s a bit blonde… when he has hair.

D: A. I’m dark-haired now. We’ve discussed this.

A: We’ve also discussed that you have a horrible tendency to channel Voldemort and until you can control it, Ralph Fiennes is out as your voice actor. Because, you know, I could afford that salary. In my dreams. And, just so you know D, my appreciation for The Grand Budapest Hotel has nothing to do with my willingness – or lack thereof – to hire you a voice actor. In fact, the two have nothing to do with one another. I would even go so far as to say that my appreciation for the movie has nothing to do with you, D.

D: . . .

A: What? No witty rejoinder?

D: The cruelty and envy of the people who have all forsook me, hath devoured … and suffered me, by the voice of slaves, be whooped out of Rome.

A: Oh, for crying out loud. For a bit of A without D, head over to Green Embers’ Recommends for my take on the Wes Anderson film, The Grand Budapest Hotel.

A Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Fiennes and Misdemeanors

adventureswithD-final (1)D: According to your file, you’re a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression leading to outbursts of antisocial and violent behavior. Knight to king seven. Check.

A: D? What is going on? Who are you talking to? When did you learn chess?

D: Oh, A. There you are. I’d almost forgotten you were here, standing on the bones of my father.

A: What are you talking about? You’re—you’re a fictional character and that sounds an awful lot like a line from Harry Potter.

D: It is. I’m trying out his lines.

A: Whose lines?

D: What is my name, you ask of me often? It is a name unmusical to the people’s ears, and harsh in sound to thine.

A: . . .

D: Oh, for heaven’s sake A, if you must be obtuse, I’m trying out Ralph Fiennes as my voice actor.

A: Again, I’m going to have to give you a confused silence as evidenced by these three dots: “. . . “

D: Very droll, A. You and Green are at it again with the ol’ podcasting out to the world bit, and if you insist on talking, then so shall I. I shall prove that there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.

A: And before D starts spouting words of wisdom from Sunshine or the English Patient, which would probably sound sacrilegious coming from the figment of my imagination, please head over to Green Embers, to read the fourth installment of the Not-So-Shocking News Dialogues!

* * *

Courtesy IMBD

Is this the voice of D? Photo courtesy IMBD

D: As I was saying, A. Mr. Fiennes would be spectacular as me.

A: I will agree insomuch as Mr. Fiennes is spectacular–

D: And of course, someone of my history and pathos needs someone of his caliber.

A: Well, certainly, D, but—

D: And since you’ve watched Grand Budapest Hotel, you know he can do humor.

A: That he can.

D: And yet, I sense your reluctance.

A: Well, it’s just that I fear if he were to play you, you’d insist on quoting him all the time, and you have yet to plumb the full depths of his Voldemort—

D: Don’t you turn your back on me, A! I want to see the light leave your eyes–

A: Okay, that is quite enough!

D: Oh, sorry, A. I’m not sure what came over me there.

A: See what I mean?

D: Perhaps. But, can he go on the list?

A: If it means you’ll stop quoting him, sure.

D: (Sigh) Alas, all my power is spent. . . who knows? I may be stronger without it.

A: Indeed. Does this mean we can say goodbye and plug the link for the podcast again?

D: Yes, yes (ahem) Lots to be done 00A. . . are you ready to get back to work?

A: (Grin) With pleasure, M-I mean D. With pleasure.

Fool me once . . .

There once was a Druid named Dubh Súile

As my muse, he is sometimes cruel.

He was once a blonde

But of that he’s not fond –

At least I did not dress him in tulle.

* * *

D: Seriously, A?

A: April Fools?

D: You are impossible.

A: Yes. Yes, I am. Cheers, D!

April Fools Roundup

A: Our very favorite Dilettante, Helena Hann-Basquiat, finally has a name for the Bayou Bonhomme Serial! And you know what? Click over to Helena’s site anyway, because her book, Memoirs of a Dilettante, Volume One is now available to buy! Woo hoo!

D: And in slightly more sedate news, Interesting Literature has a True-or-False April Fool’s Literary Quiz.

dejagoogleA: Google is famous for it’s April Fools jokes, and though I saw this yesterday, the Shelfie (among others) was pretty bizarre. But this one was weirder – only because I’m not sure it was a joke: Deja Google. Real or not, I was amused.

D: Why’s that?

A: Apparently, Google-a-Day is powered by a wormhole.

D: Nice, Google.

A: Indeed. And last, but certainly not least, Leonard Nimoy has recorded the end-credit song for the third Hobbit movie, There and Back Again.  Just in case you don’t want to click over, here is the video:

D: That was a joke, right?

A: Yeah – that’s why it’s called the April Fool’s Roundup and not the Oh-So-Serious News at 11.

D: A simple ‘yes’ would have sufficed.

A: Perhaps. Of course, this video was not a joke – someone put it together back in 2012. And the single is available on iTunes.

D : I could have done without “Scroto Baggins”

A: I don’t know what you’re talking about, D. I thought that was awesome.

D: You would.

A: So did The Boy.

D: I can see you’ve been a bad influence on the child.

A: Okay, okay- how about a music video incorporating the original song and the original animated Hobbit movie?

D: Only marginally better.

A: Oh, come on, you have to admit – it’s catchy.

D: (Humming absently) Bilbo-Bilbo!

A: Ha! I knew it!

D: Uh-oh, I mean – um–

A: No way you’re getting out of this one, D.

D: Oh, yes there is – April Fools!

A: (Eye roll) Nice try, Druid.

D: And with that, we will bid you all a fond farewell – before A decides to add any more ridiculousness to the menagerie she has collected here.

A: Goodnight, everyone!